Can I Play With Your Wiinis?: Fresh-squeezed Pulp Does A Body Good

6 Feb

Warning: The following contains actual conversation of very non-linear nature. Viewer discretion is advised.

“If Nintendo Wii made a gun, you know, like where you could shoot a gun at the screen and have the action followed out in the game, I’d so buy one.”

Those words were my declaration to Daniel last Friday. Oh, how could I know how prophetic those words would turn out to be?

It turns out, in fact, that Nintendo DOES make a wii-gun, one which feels like a real weapon in your hand, its smooth, cold plastic mimicking that of a real gun . . . if it were plastic and, you know, didn’t actually shoot or anything. It takes me places in my head I haven’t been in a long time: a place of comfort, of satisfaction. I’ve been dreaming of this day since I shot those ducks down one by one (and that little dog, too!) in Duck Hunt as a toddler.

An evil grin crossed my face. I had to have one.

So, on Saturday, Daniel courageously trumped to various random stores around Berlin (about 6) and didn’t complain as I bought way too many euros worth of Wii related items. I am now the proud owner of two Wii guns. Why two, you ask? Well, one doubles as a shotgun . . . but I also like shooting with a gun in each hand. You know, maximize efficiency and all that *shifty eyes*. I was looking forward to getting everything home and shooting the living daylights out of enemies as I immersed myself in a reality far unlike the one I currently live out. But, to my surprise, the most fun to be had was from a source I least expected it from.

I was given two sports discs with my Wii, which I promptly tossed aside. I don’t play sports on game consoles. I find them utterly boring, unrealistic, and generally pointless. After some time of shooting random enemies, I discovered that one of the discs had billiards. Now, I’m all for some of that, so I popped in the disc. You couldn’t get to Billiards without playing the other games first, one of them involving a souped up target practice version of Duck Hunt, which was ultimately satisfying on levels it probably shouldn’t have been.

Billiards was also great. Instead of just moving a cue stick and pressing a button, the player controlled the speed of the cue stick by pulling by the arm containing the wii remote and thrusting it foreward. Even something as normally mundane as fishing found new meaning as the player dropped in the fishing pole, waited for a bite, and pulled upwards on the wiimote. I began to discover the exciting new world of sports in a way I never had before. I even enjoyed Golf, an activity I had previously assumed was a forced recreation in Hell. But my biggest crowning achievement discovery was Wii Tennis, or Wiinis affectionately for short (abbreviation my own). The players Wii remote mirrored the players moves, allowing them to engage in Tennis like never before. It was exercise without being cumbersome and boring. The tilt of the remote affected where the player’s racket would strike the ball and how far. No more mindless button clicking; it requires real tennis-like thought processes. Sure, you can swing your arm wildly for a shot, but it will almost always be out of bounds. I can’t confirm this, but I feel like if I actually went on a court and played Tennis, my game would have improved.

In short, the Wii has changed a skeptic’s opinion on the Sports front and made them enjoyable, if not desireable. I almost dare say I enjoy playing Wii sports more than shooting things into oblivion; and that, ladies and gentlemen, is something I thought I’d never say.

Perhaps one day we shall all get together and play Wiinis . . .


2 Responses to “Can I Play With Your Wiinis?: Fresh-squeezed Pulp Does A Body Good”

  1. TAR ART RAT February 14, 2008 at 8:37 am #

    word. sport videogames were pointless before 3D graphics.


  1. Can I Play With Your Wiinis?: Fresh-squeezed Pulp Does A Body Good — Wii Store - February 7, 2008

    […] was Wii Tennis, or Wiinis affectionately for short (abbreviation my own)…. source: Can I Play With Your Wiinis?: Fresh-squeezed Pulp Does A Body Good, […]

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